That's an engraving by Peter Breughell Ken, I have it on my wall
'lest I forget'.Joolz wrote:
And please tell us about 'the gammon effect'.
Ah the 'gammon effect'. I discovered it initially when I was five years old but I didn't know what it was. Some twenty odd years later it happened to me again and on that occasion I went berserk in Asdas, but then I sussed out what it was and people were easy to play after that.
In 1964/5 I was waiting in line with my mother to see father Christmas. I was four or five then. I can still see him now, sat in his sparkly grotto surrounded by toys. You had to queue up, then one by one you sat on his knee and asked for a present. As I got closer to the stage I saw a lovely toy Bedford van on the floor (I've always liked cars)
I remember thinking I'd like that, in fact I really wanted it. As each kid in front of me went and picked a toy my eye never left that van, and each time they didn't pick it so it was still available. It was agony waiting to get to the front of the queue, as each kid might have had it. Closer and closer I got to the front. We were sort of crushed together a bit as those behind shuffled up. When there was only one boy in front of me my Mum asked me what I might choose when it's my turn. Bursting with the kind of excitement you have when a dream is almost realised, I told her about the van, and how I'd been watching it for twenty minutes or so.
The next lad went up which just left me, excitedly at the front of the queue. I couldn't take my eyes off that big blue plastic Bedford. It was mine! Santa asked the kid on his knee what he wanted, and he looked at me before smiling and saying
"I want that blue Bedford".I knew that he'd overheard me and done that on purpose. At that age he wouldn't even know what a Bedford was - but I did, because my dad had taught me virtually every thing on the road. How he did that is another story, but for now my Bedford van, as well as my Christmas had just gone pop. I was next up on Santa's knee. When I sat on he said
"Hello little boy, and what do you want for Christmas?""I wanted that bloody Bedford and you've just give it away" I said. I heard my mother breathe in, embarrassed at my language, but dad said 'bloody' all the time at home. Santa asked me what else I wanted instead, and I told him I didn't want anything else, I'd had my eye on the Bedford for ages, the rest of the stuff was just for girls. Away went one very unhappy lad, especially as I got a clout from my mother for swearing at Santa. That sneaky shit of a lad in the line before me didn't even want that van, but because I did -he did.
Now fast forward to about 1986. I'm in Asda with the wife, at the bacon counter. Stood next to me is an older couple, perhaps around late fifties. The woman is being served and she goes through the whole routine of half a pound of sausages, three quarters of ham blah de blah. While we're waiting I wandered up to the other end of the counter and spotted an absolutely lovely piece of gammon. (I love gammon) It had no fat, pure, lean and succulent, and it was the next piece.
The wife casually said to me while queueing "is there owt you want?" And I answered that the next piece of gammon was absolutely beautiful, so I'll have that. What happened next was the old woman being served directly in front of me, having been asked by the counter staff "was that everything?" decided that she'd just have the one piece of gammon please!
Hence the gammon effect.
Well I went ballistic, I properly, properly flipped. The woman looked scared, the counter assistant looked scared, even my wife looked scared. Security came and I thumped them, the Police came and I legged it. Fu*kin' uproar!
Years later I began to study psychology, and through that mentalism. I discovered that although the 'gammon effect' can be caused by outright selfishness as in the case of the boy, it can also be done by subliminal influence, which was most likely the case of the old woman. I think it's linked to yawning. When I yawn, or even now I tell you I'm yawning you want to yawn too don't you? Yes you do. You will in the next few minutes anyway.
I tried out my theory in different ways, you can do it too if you like. One of my favourites is to drive along at early evening/dusk with no lights on. Pick a long road where cars approaching can see you a way off, then when you know he can see you clearly switch your lights on. Quite often if he's noticed he will switch his on too, but here's the thing - he won't know why! Unless you replayed a video to him he would think that it was entirely his decision, uninfluenced by you.
That sir is the
'Gammon effect'. What I took for human selfishness also revealed the ability to influence people without their knowledge. It works, just like yawning does.
